My favoret lyrics vol.1

Murder Is Masterbation

I'm not awake
But I'm not dead
The drugs are late
Lost my money again

They never gave you anything
You'd think you get the fucking point
I'll laugh until I'm fucking killed
I see the point but I can't find a way
To get through this fucking mental hell!!!

I'm not alright, but I'm OK
[x2]

All hail the pessimist
All hail the anarchist
All hail the rest that never gave
A motherfuckin' shit

It's killing season
Time to celebrate
What better way than to
Rid the world of all the walking waste

Wanna see it
I'll show you something
A middle finger
With a barrel and it's fucking cocked

I got a new way
So you can fuck yourself
Kill the motherfucker - all that I think about, yeah!

I'm not alright, but I'm OK
[x2]

Sometimes
You gotta voice your revenge
Or you're better off dead
You'll lose your fucking mind
Sometimes
You gotta look at yourself
See the world inside out
And scream out loud

That motherfucker
Kill that motherfucker
Kill that motherfucker
And that's all that I think about [x2]

That motherfucker
Kill that motherfucker
Kill that motherfucker
Cause we all need to scream out loud

I'm not alright, but I'm OK
[x2]

I found the easy way to die
Just educate myself and pretend
All I've learned's untrue
And yeah, I know that
All I'll lose is you

Have you ever loved something
That never seemed to
Have a face at all
It just screams out loud.....yeah!

It always cures the pain that would never leave
Then causes even more
It just screams out loud
But never goes away!

That motherfucker
Kill that motherfucker
Kill that motherfucker
And that's all that I think about

That motherfucker
Kill that motherfucker
Kill that motherfucker
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

bored so time for an update!

hmm...i dont really know how to start my blogs anymore lol but yea ill juss go along with it. its monday today. and its actually bank holiday so i aint got college...well actually i got the whole week off...well lol its actually catch up-week for my college coz the college never really has a half-term unless its a holiday. idk if i made a blog for my last catch-up week but if i didnt then ill explain. catch-up week is a day where some or juss foundation students dont have to come in college unless they get a letter saying they have to for a certain day in the week but i havent got a letter so far so im basically free for the week buuuut what i plan to do is still get the money my mum is giving me and use it to go out. it worked before so i hope it'll work again. and this is what i basically have planned for this week...




monday - bank holiday


tuesday - going to slough with brenda


wednesday - going to slough with steph and lisa


thursday - day off


friday - going to reading with natasha





so thats all planned and i think coz i got monday and tuesday off, i only have £24 plus £1 i found yesterday so thats £25. i hope its enough for those 3 days but i think wednesday will be more money spent coz steph is someone that juss wants to go places that are expensive and buy things that are expensive. i honestly dont know how she doesnt go to college or have a job and still wants to spend like crazy! shes so retarded. but anyways, gotta live with it coz otherwise i got nothing else to do that day.





so i just hope i look forward to that. next subject. my trip to longleat was fucking awesome!! it was well worth it for £5 and there was so much stuff to do for that certain amount of money unlike food or crappy stuff like that. i got pics and vids from the day but i cant be bothered to post. its on my myspace, photobucket and bebo though so its all good:D





also coming up are 2 more exams which is gay >_<>





and i got more doctors appointments coming too. after this week they'll be one on wednesday which is when i have college but there is no other day my mum wants the appointment so she chose that day so i get to skip college that day when i dont really want to lol i already had my blood test just last week and they took out like 3 tubes of blood and i had to not eat anything for 12 hours!! so i was nearly on the brink of fainting!!!


what i got next is the results and to check if i need medication. the doctor said that she can give me tablets to help me loose weight which is what i really want but theres more...





i gotta go to the gym again and i can get my own personal trainer which is better coz last time i was at the gym i didnt have 1 and didnt know what to fuck to do and how long i had to do it. so i guess thats gonna be ok.


and theres also this which i think is the funniest and completely useless one. is this hypnotism crap. this dude from leeds does it to help ppl control temptations for weight and get this, its cost £100 for each session!!! hahaha! like thats a whole load of bullshit right there!! but im gonna look forward to doing it. wanna see if it actually works and i've never been hypnotized before so should be ok...


so i hope all this works and im juss doing so my mum and dad can shut up about my weight for a change and stop annoying me about what to eat and what not to eat or drink coz i'd just ignore them anyway if they keep pissing me off!





oo another thing to talk about. i finally got my tooth fixed but couple of weeks back it snapped again after the dentist put it back in again! and i actually thought it was gonna stay coz he put alot of glue on it! but it didnt unforuntely and it only lasted 2 or 3 days. but i just got it fixed on thursday and it seems to be doing ok. i can eat properly...sorta and i got my dentures just incase it falls out coz apparently my mum says that if it falls off again she wont go back there coz u gotta pay and shit soo yea...just hope this one lasts now coz it was a bitch having to always worry about it these past couple of weeks and eat like a spaz! ill show u pic of the dentures now actually (coz im that bored lol)





they're uploading on photobucket now so ill show u a pic of my new harcut. its gay at the mo coz my mum had to cut it and she cut it all spazzy like last time but i guess when it grows it'll be ok...i hope...lol





and finally the dentures!! dont mind the white bit, that jus came with it lol







and thats what im going to be wearing for the rest of my whole life...not pretty, eh? but meh thats my fault. anyways i also gotta show u the new big screen tv we got last week.



pretty awsome, eh?

my mum and dad also bought one of those swinging chairs but i havent got a pic of it. its still kool though. i even fell asleep on it lol

but anyways. i think this is the end of my blog. gonna see if i can find anything else to do (which i doubt) while im bored so blog to ya in another long while!:D

one of the worst weeks ever (well some days sucked)

first started off with a crap monday. every monday sucks. first day of the week, recovering from a weekend of doin whatever and its only one of the busyest days. oh and everyones moody juss like my classmates. no offence they're ok and all but some of 'em can be gay from time to time. but yea nothing bad really happened. but tuesday sucked the most! tuesday is the day i get to hang out with rob coz he only comes to the college once a week so we try to make the most of it but now, we've started to lose things to talk about. we usually talk about the same old stuff which is sarah, kerrie, jono, wrestling, his job, ramz, college, other crap. this week was mainly about football and the other topics i juss mentioned. its starting to get boring and kinda awkward. i always try to think of things to talk about if im with someone but by the time when im actually gonna have that convo, i forget about what i wanted to talk about and the convo dies. well not really, it juss usually leaves me to wonder what i thought we could talk about. so i got to think more of what to think about now. thing is with robert, its so hard to get a laugh out of him or juss a hint of him being interested. but i try my best at least. its juss that robert wasnt someone i was close to before so it makes it kinda more difficult. but yea anyways moving on from that day. after college, my mum made tortillas for dinner and thas very rare for her to make aswell! and i was waiting ages for her to finish making it coz i didnt have much to eat for college that day and i dont think i bought anything that day either so i was starving myself 3 hours juss after i arrived home. so when it was finally there, i ate through and i was barely half way until i heard a snap and it ended up being my fake tooth. after months or prolly years, it decided to come out juss when i was enjoying a delicious tortilla. and then my mum started having a go at me for not brushing my teeth, etc. and then i was left crying my eyes out. and then she told me to brush my teeth before she can fix it and while i was doing that it fell out and nearly dropped all the way down the sink!!! but luckily i caught it. so after that, my mum used this glue (not ordinary glue, like similiar to the one i got on my fake tooth now) but that didnt work so my mum decided to use super glue and that worked but at the mo its wobbly. my mum said if it comes out she'd glue it back in til thursday (which is my dentist appointment) and another stupid thing is, is that its my doctors appointment aswell which was supposed to be during the easter holidays but apparently didnt happen. the doctors thing is about my weight. yet again my mum cant stop going on about it. i'd thought she'd leave me and do my thing but shes got nothing better to do than to let me down all the time about my weight. seriously, the more she goes on about it, the more i'll keep doing it so like it or not, im gonna keep doing it if she keeps moaning about it. its my body. i'll do what i want with it!! theres nothing more i hate than ppl that are concerned with appearance. why should i listen to someone whos abused me physically and called me names. hows that love? everyone says she does that coz she loves me?! BOLLOCKS! SHE NEVER HAS AND NEVER WILL!!! SHE DONT TREAT ME LIKE A DAUGHTER AT ALL!!! she even made my cry again coz its juss now she tells me my godmother died when she died juss this recent december and she juss tells me now!! FUCKING 5 MONTHS!! IM REALLY PISSED OFF WITH HER NOW!!! im juss gonna end this before this gets out of hand. later all.