Wednesday, January 23, 2008

MORE COMMENT SHIT

  • but u make it look sexy...damn..u look..ill tell ya l8ter.
  • haha so does my mom lol
  • hey man whts up i just got back from holiday florida wht u been up to man?? hit me back.
  • Damn women tight playlist i like all them songs love the site:)
  • yo wa sup? merry christmas so yea ill ttyl.
  • sup? thnx for the pic comment.
  • HAHAHA WHO U MARRIDE TO???
  • Thnx for the comments sexy ttyl peace.
  • hey u...i just got back home like 40 minutes ago lol so...whts up?? i missed ya
  • HEY BADASS PROFILE SONG BTW;)
  • yea....iv changed a lil bit well im on yahoo so hit me up there babe peace&love
  • Brian.
  • HEY U GOT NO TOP ON:p
  • hey this was back around when me and u first started chatting on myspace lol
  • lol rest is good.

    i cant get no rest though:P insomnia sux balls
  • hey happy x mas eve srry i cant get u anything.....yet;) ttyl.

  • hey jessie merry christmas!!:)
    http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c373/superslipknotgod/x%20mas/elf.gif
  • jc gonna be going to tampa tomarow...what u doin tomarow?
  • wa sup woman ima call u at bout 8-830 ttyl peace.
  • I love you too babygirl, you're my one and only!
  • Haha, I love you babe!
  • Hey Babe, just lettin you know I love you and that I'm waitin for you. I know you won't get this until you got ur internet bck with basic, but I'm just lettin you know I'm thinkin about you when you're gone.
  • Hey Babe, Happy Birthday!



Friday, January 11, 2008

These Feelings

I never wanted to feel this way

I'm thinking about you everyday

But I'm trying to pull myself away

from you

It seems like this more than just a crush

I try so hard but i soon give up

I'm just so hooked onto you

But i never wanted to........

Have these feelings

They're so hard to get through

All these feelings

Make it hard to let myself go from you

I knew that you liked someone else

But that never stopped me, it never did

I should've convinced myself

this aint so worth it after all

Why do i still give myself false hope

If love was money then i'd be broke

But im just so hooked onto you

and i never wanted to......

Have these feelings

They're so hard to get through

All these feelings

Make it hard to let myself go from you

Have these feelings

They're so hard to get through

All these feelings

Make it hard to let myself go from you

I never wanted to feel this way

But you're making it harder everyday

Im trying to pull myself away

Pulling myself away.........

Month without no internet (blog 13)

Blog 13 Date: Monday 7th January 2008 Time: 7:15am

So today is finally the big day.....well not tht big, im just going to college lol But tht means tht my christmas holiday is finally over. *sigh* its been a tough one...but i managed to get through it. ahh i woke up too early today. I woke up at 6.30am and my train doesnt leave til 8.48am. But its a monday today and its guaranteed to be busy annnd im guessing theres gonna be a big ass line at the ticket office so im being extra careful lol But i shoulda woke up at 7am coz otherwise i wouldnt be wasting my time doing this lol I actually want this day to skip ahead already coz im looking forward to tuesday.....coz im finally seeing jodie X) she has mondays off so i wont see her today. I dnt even know if ill see ramz today! Ah well, ill just forget it and go along with it. I just hope today aint too much of a bitch.....or at least...this year aint too much of a bitch lol Anyways, i realised something about jodie 2 days ago and it hasnt gotten out of my head since. She invited me to this site she goes onto called Crunchyroll and i went on her profile to look at the comments and this one dude was asking her if shes got a boyfriend or likes anyone and she said she didnt but she liked one of her mates....who was a dude. So thts kinda struck me out a bit, and this time im definitely sure its a dude coz i know she has quite a few guy mates and when i see her hang out with them she tends to kinda act differently towards them or idk its hard to explain but from wht i know she definitely likes someone and it aint me but for some reason i still cant get over her. its like with Anne for example (girl from college i used to like, now one of ramz mates) i liked her despite her liking the drummer from My Chemical romance....now thts kinda different because hes a dude in a well known band and jodie likes someone who she "actually" knows and its one of her mates. So i dont think there will ever be something. But i just cant get over her! Its annoying! Its gonna take awhile i think like most girls i fancied but i think this one will take awhile considering its someone i actually know and talk to. *sigh* its gonna be tough thts all ill say.

Oo i almost forget im getting the internet bck on thursday!! Hopefully..........but apparently we're gonna get a new livebox and HOPEFULLY it'll be sorted by then but i still feel like its a long way away. But ill try to manage. I dnt think ill be using my bros laptop now tht im going bck to college. Coz ill be using the computers there but there wont be much to do. Like for example, last night, i was using the laptop....i went on every site i usually go on for a couple of hours and jodie stopped talking to me on crunchyroll and i just got bored! I was seriously trying to think of something to do but i couldnt! And because i knew it was gonna be my last time using the laptop fully i spent the remaining time i had left trying to get guitar tabs to play to while i wait for the livebox to arrive. But i picked some hard tabs to understand ¬_¬ But anyways, ill just hope there is something to do on the computers today coz i have a feeling ramz wont be in today so ill need to use the computers. and i gotta spare time coz i finish at 3.15 and thts when all the schoolkids rush in at the station.

Right, i think thts enough blogging for today. If im in the mood and not tht tired then maybe ill blog when i come bck home. And i need to get ready for college so laters!

Month without no internet (blog 12)

Blog 12 Date: Sunday 6th January 2008 Time: 1:39pm

So it's the last day of my holiday. It felt like this holiday was so long to get through and i think the reason why is coz i had no internet and i realised how slow time goes by when im not using it. Coz usually when i do use it time goes by like really fast coz theres like so much to do tht u never really bother on looking at the time. But moving tht aside ill talk about today. Chris is at caz's at the mo (thank god) but he'll be bck today soon so i wouldnt celebrate too long. alan went to work with my dad and i was here with my mum. I got up at 8am and realised alan and my dad went to work so i quickly went for the laptop! But wht i wasnt expecting was tht the internet got disconnected. Now im not an expert on laptops but from wht i know with wht happened to it 'the wireless switch wasnt on' according to the laptop. and i didnt even know how to turn tht switch bck on...yet alone if there was one! So here i was, panicking away, trying to fix it and i seriously tried everything! I tried using our old usb adsl modem and tht didnt work, then i used alan's bluetooth usb and tht didnt work. After over half an hour trying, i gave up. And went bck to sleep and luckily i did coz its my last day and all and i need all the sleep i can get for tomorrow! So i slept for another 3 hours, tried again and didnt work and went bck to sleep again but not for long coz i couldnt lol and i got a text from jodie wanting to chat coz she was bored at work. I started to worry for a bit on how i was gonna text her bck because my dad wasnt home and his fone wasn’t there and i didnt have any cred left on my fone....well except for one text but im saving it if there is no other option lol but luckily i went downstairs and came across my mums fone which surprinsingly had credit! yay! so i text her bck and after like 2 or 3 texts she stopped and i got sad:( lol ahh ill get over it. Im seeing her on tuesday anyway....maybe lol Coz she asked me when ill be at college and she hasnt text bck yet so i dnt know whts gonna happen. Idk if im meeting up with rob on tuesday coz now tht the train times have changed im not sure wht time he gets the train so its all confusing for me at the moment but ill just forget about it and just think about tomorrow. Also, ramz, idk if hes bck from bahrain yet! He said he'll be bck before college starts or i think he mite miss 1 or 2 days idk. I would text him but i know tht bumflum wont text bck. Wahey! jodie finally text me bck!! But problem is shes still at work so its taking her quite long to text bck. And the internet on the laptop is working! But im waiting for my bro to go and my mum to finish looking at flights on there. Hmmm i feel like i wanted to talk about something else but i guess thts it. Im not really looking forward to college tomorrow but ill try to make the most of my last month before i go to philippines. Anyways, ill blog later. Peace.

Month without no internet (blog 11)

Blog 11 Date: Friday 4th January 2008 Time: 9:19pm

So its another boring friday night for me again. and prolly weekend aswell since my lazy fuckhead of a bro decided to sleep in for the night. Im really fed up of him being here tbh. But i have to put up with it coz he pays for most things in the house but i think we would be doing perfectly fine without him, we were before so wht differeance does it make if he left? You can prolly tell tht im still pissed off with him for last night. I still havent gotten over it and i dnt think i will. Im also pissed off with my dad coz he took my heater away. He gets so pissed off if a light is left on or just basically anything thts electrical is left on. But when its the tv.......it isnt a problem.......well his tv tht is, when its someone elses like mine for example he switches it off. I can understand why hes like tht coz he pays for the electricity bills but seriously, if its winter it would make sense why i need my heater. But my dad is too thick in the head to understand so ill just leave him to be a dumbass.

Another thing tht was bothering me was these stupid neighbours i have! I think they're doing all this construction shit........again! Ive been hearing drills, hammers, yesterday i heard the most annoying aggravating sound ever! I couldnt stand it! luckily i was on the laptop and i managed to put on some music to block it out and i was remaining calm about the whole thing but it still pissed me off.

Even right now, this stupid bimbo daughter they have keeps making loud noises and they're noises tht u wouldnt expect to make a noise. Like, putting down a cup/glass (when she does it its as loud as u may think), going through her wardrobe (tht noise the hangers make when u move them on tht steel pole), the list can go on. Even right now, i can still hear her banging away on the wall. Idk if its just me or shes a right spaz to be doing shit like tht. another annoying sound is their bloody hoovering! They hoover more than my mum!! Its like a competition on who can hoover the most! ARGH!!! honestly, i wish those fuckheads would move out already. I had enough of them. Out of all the neighbours i had i never knew any as annoying as them. I would even have matthew and his family back tbh (they were old neighbours).

Well thts tht off my bck, i guess another thing thts bringing me down is tht i havent spoken to jodie for 2 days. its weird, i actually do like talking to her but if she doesnt want to speak to me then its koo. I would send her a msg but i hate making the first move. Thts why im not in a relationship lol

GOD! this sucks!! My lazy tithead bro is gonna be stuck here sleeping away and when my other bro leaves the house hes still gonna be here and i wont be able to use the laptop!! First its the tv thing, now its this! Idk how many more ways hes gonna piss me off like this. I was hoping to get an alright weekend without him but now its gonna be a very long 2 days if hes here. Fucking prick. Cant even stick to his bloody plans! Hes such a gay fag, not going out to have fun so he can sleep! Honestly, how sad?! God hes just like elwyne. and i thought i had no life.

anyways, i guess im just gonna go watch tv since its the only thing i can do since my retarded brothers are here. Later.

Month without no internet (blog 10)

Blog 10 Date: Thursday 3rd January 2008 Time: 11:45pm

How annoying is this? My mum's friend Annie (aka alan's friends mum) comes at our house for a sleepover. Yeah....its kinda weird....i mean....like no offence but arent they a bit old for a sleepover?? lol jk! Annie actually wanted a place to stay at coz her house was broken into and my mum just happened to bump into her at slough and you all know wht happens from there. Plans changed and now my mum is sleeping over at hers. So thts my mum gone for the night. My dad decided to sleep upstairs where my bro chris usually sleeps and alan stays where hes at now its just chris. and hes the main part of this blog tonight. Soon after my mum left i quickly went downstairs to watch tv. And trust me, the reason why i rushed so quickly is coz i never get to have time to myself to watch the tv downstairs anymore. Well, tv is shit these days but being stuck in my room with a shitty small ass tv with only 5 channels compared to a plasma widescreen sky tv downstairs....who can argue? And theres actually a good reason why i rushed. There was a Bam Margera marathon happening on 3 effing channels! They were showing all episodes of Viva La Bam, all the episodes of Bams Unholy Union and alll the episodes of Jackass....in one night. I dont think there was ever a time when tht happened since ive been watching tv. I felt like it was one of the best nights of my life. I was sitting happily, drinking some pepsi, eating some chocolate, etc. Just basically enjoying myself. No one came downstairs. The lights were off and everything. It felt like a really good night in and i never have tht these days. my nights these days are being stuck in my room being bored off my ass watching shitty tv, playing guitar and using the internet every few times a day. Seriously, if i had the internet right now i wouldnt be so pissed but since i dnt i am. and ill tell you why. An hour later (yes just an hour!) chris comes downstairs and i thought he was just getting something to eat.....but no....he came down with a blanket and a pillow. And then i thought....'oh dear....' He told me to get out coz he was sleeping downstairs for the night........I think tht was one of the things i was dreading for the whole night. I couldnt believe wht i was hearing, this bam marathon was gonna go on til 4.30am and i was willing to stay up til then to watch it. But i didnt even get half way. as soon as he told me, i asked why cant u sleep in YOUR room and he made some shitty excuse saying tht alan was gonna stay up all night with the laptop. Like a laptop can make so much noise. Even he listens to music he can still use ear phones and i dnt think its tht loud for fucks sake! But anyways, moving on....he stormed upstairs for a bit to do god knows wht, then he came bck down on one of his tantrums saying some shit which i ignored then he went bck up, had a fag, then came bck down and he asked me 'when are you gonna finish here?' and i said 'idk' and then he blabbered on about getting up early for work and then thts when i just got fed up of his whining and just went upstairs. I got so pissed off i just didnt wanna start anything, i was just too pissed off to do anything which doesnt really make sense coz usually when ppl get pissed off they result into anger and violence...but me....i just let it go but im just really pissed off with him right now. i know its not a big of the deal to some ppl but for me to have a quiet night in and watching one of my favourite programs and it being ruined by my idiotic brother is prolly a sister's worst nightmare. I know tht fuckhead is down there now watching tv and he aint gonna fucking sleep til god knows when but hes got work in like 5 hours from now and thts his own fucking fault coz hes the one tht said he wanted to get up early so he can come bck early which is also annoying coz by the time alan finally leaves they'll be here! And i wont even use the laptop tht long. ill prolly end up being bck to normal once i sleep it off. but tonight....i wasnt even planning on sleeping. i just wanted to stay up watching my favourite program. but instead....im stuck here typing this. its times like this tht make u wish u were an only born.

Month without no internet (blog 9)

Blog 9 Date: Thursday 3rd January 2008 Time: 10:49am

Ok i got the laptop. It was downstairs on the dining table. Only problem is.........i need the adapter. I tried turning it on but it wont soooooooo now i gotta wait for chris to leave or any opening moment to get the adapter. I seriously could try to go in there now and take it but im still worried tht chris will know tht i went in there. And i think the only reason why they're not going yet is coz my dad aint here and i think hes supposed to go with them. So idk whts happening but i really need to get tht adapter coz god knows how long im gonna wait. And guess wht....even my mum is sleeping!! For christ sake if i knew they were gonna sleep i woulda been sleeping hours ago!! Right im gonna try to get the adapter. I may get caught but it has to be done. ill blog later....prolly soon since this is another 2nd blog of the day.......and my tea is getting cold. so later.

Month without no internet (blog 8)

Blog 8 Date: Thursday 3rd January 2008 Time: 10:28am

It's my favourite cousin's b-day today. And all i wanna do is greet her. But at the moment i cant. Coz my lazy ass brother is still in bed and god knows wht my mum and dad are doing (not in tht way of course). Basically i wanna use the laptop! And i cant if chris is still here. Apparently they're supposed to go to this meeting about this whole court crap chris is going through and my mum tried to wake up chris just over an hour ago and tht lazy fuck is still in bed! Alan left ages ago its just tht prick i want outta the house already!! I coulda got the laptop already but everytime i take a step into his room all of a sudden he wakes up! *sigh* idk how much longer i have to wait for this fuckhead to go already. I dnt even know if they're going at all! God by the time they leave alan will be bck! ARGH!! this is pissing me off! I just wanna use the laptop already!!!!!!!!!!!

Month without no internet (blog 7)

Blog 7 Date: Wednesday 2nd January 2008 Time: 4:41pm

Well everything is back to normal i guess. My mum talked to me about the whole not talking situation and we're gonna get bck to talking again hopefully. and i got some...good/bad news.......im going bck to philippines next month! How gay! i mean...i should be happy seeing my cousins again and everything but ahh idk i always have a feeling tht im not gonna enjoy it and i never do. the more times we go there the more boring it is and annoying. But i guess the good thing is i get to see my cat Mikey!! Yaaaay! but the downers are seeing my effed up family (not all of em of course) and just being bored most of the time. I think we're there for 2 weeks. Im leaving 7th february at a time when i have college!! So ill be missing alot of work which sucks coz i hate being behind on things and its so hard to catch up. But im gonna talk to my form tutor about it and gonna try to see if she can sort some work out for me to do while im away. Its gonna suck but *sigh* i have to do it. Oh yeah i forgot about the internet thing. yeah........still no internet!!!! my bro wants a new internet box coz he broke the last one (him and his temper.....he gets it from my mum ¬_¬) so i still dunno when i can have my internet bck but im really hoping soon. for now, i have to keep using my bros laptop when they're away which sucks coz usually i dnt have enough time to use it and its hard to make it look like i wasnt using it coz he keeps leaving it in random places!! Theres still 5 more days til college...*sigh* wht a bummer. Well the good thing about going to college is tht im not as bored as much at home than there and i get to hang out with my mates. The bad thing is waking so early in the fucking morning to catch the train.......oh dnt get me started on the train! its one of the most annoying public transports ever!! there are so many bad things i can label about using the train but the main things are: ppl look at you throughout the whole train journey, the seats fill up easily and random smelly ppl will sit next to you giving you less room to move....or breathe! ppl like schoolkids or chavs or just basic loud ppl make the trainride more annoying than it already is (but thts where my mp3 player comes in handy:P) the price of the tickets, waiting in line early in the morning in the ticket office!, whenever u dnt want the train to be delayed it will anyway and whenever u do it wont. And i also hate the fact tht the south western trains have more comfy seats and leg room than first great western (the train i take)! its bollocks!!

but all in all i've had a pretty good day, i got to use the internet, i spoke to jodie:) but theres still alot of things on the internet i need to do so i hope nothing goes wrong tomorrow. my dad and chris are taking a day off tomorrow to sort out this court thing chris has and hopefully alan is going to work. So hopefully i have the house to myself and hooooooooopefully alan wont take the laptop with him again. Ill just hope for the best *fingers crossed*!

anyways i think thts enough blogging for me since its already my 2nd blog of the day. Im gonna go play games now so ill blog later! peace.

Month without no internet (blog 6)

Blog 6 Date: Wednesday 2nd January 2008 Time: 12:49pm

How fucking gay is my brother (alan)!? The day my bro and my dad go bck to work, he takes the fucking laptop with him!!!!!!! I mean....how fucking retarded of him to bring his own laptop with him to work?! I coulda been using the laptop 2 hours ago but tht fucking fat head is sad enough to bring the fucking laptop with him and god knows if he'll bring it with him tomorrow!! It's like he cant leave without it..................ok.....something different just happened now. while i was getting something to eat my bro came bck and bought the laptop and left it here and i asked my mum if i can use it and i can and im using it right now!! :D So im happy now and im gonna try to make the most of it so i gotta stop doing this blog now. i was actually gonna watch my bros dvds but *sigh* im happy i got this laptop with me now. I cant use it for long apparently but ahhh idk ill just go use it now. ill blog later :)

Month without no internet (blog 5)

Blog 5 Date: Tuesday 1st January 2008 (again!) Time: 8:12pm

I can't believe this is my 3rd blog today! God i've been so bored! And i actually managed to fall asleep at like.....half 10am! But only for.....4 hours and i got right back up again! It's weird, i was up til 10am! I think thts the latest i've ever stayed up before. Its crazy! Anyways, im doing this blog right now because im resisting temptation on using the internet. My bro (chris) is sleeping downstairs and my other bro (alan) drove off somewhere and i have no idea when he'll be bck but hes been gone for awhile now and im sooooooooooooooo tempted into using their laptop but im afraid tht chris might wake up and come upstairs! so far he hasnt woken and i coulda been using the internet by now but im too afraid to use it coz im afraid of getting caught again! ahh omg this is so hard!! I've actually been online today...twice! But it wasnt for long coz alan kept coming bck then all of a sudden chris shows up again now im bored off my ass again!! I was really hoping tht they'd be going bck to work this week but i guess they got the same time off as me. ARGH!! this is annoying! Ahh im just gonna try to resist it and watch the Fantastic Four on tv. *sigh* its hard being addicted to something. Anyways, ill blog later. Peace.

Month without no internet (blog 4)

Blog 4 Date: Tuesday 1st January 2008 Time: 5:00am

God I didnt know id be typing a blog so quickly! It's only been like 4 hours since my last blog and here i am doing another one! You maybe wondering why im doing a blog so early in the morning. Well....I cant sleep for shit! Idk why but i think it was drinking coke before going to bed ¬_¬ bad idea. I've been trying to sleep for the past 3 hours and nothing! i've been yawning like crazy, i keep moving around the bed like a loony! Its annoying. I feel tired but its just tht i cant fall asleep. And i keep getting delayed txts from brenda! lol Ahh idk ill try to fall asleep later but ill end up not falling asleep anyway. I really wish i had my internet right about now. Usually going on there helps me fall asleep. *sigh*...........STUPID ORANGE!!!!!!!!!!..................¬_¬

That is all.

Peace.

Month without no internet (blog 3)

Blog 3 Date: Tuesday 1st January 2008 Time: 12:23am

So its now 2008. God time travels in a very weird speed. It seems like it was just yesterday when i finished school! And now im in 2nd year college! Its crazy!! But its been quite a year trust me. All the shit ive been through last year makes me worried about this year! God knows wht ill face this year! I try not to think about it too much though coz it gets to me. Wht im really thinking about is...Jodie. I havent mentioned her yet. Shes a person i met through elwyne. I met her in october and we suddenly clicked. Idk how but i guess we're the kinda ppl tht just wanted to keep in touch i guess. I never thought i could like someone like her and i didnt even want to! and the reason for tht is coz ramsey told me tht elwyne liked her too! and its very rare for someone like elwyne to like a girl coz hes not really tht sorta dude but hes always wanted a gf. And i think jodie is the sorta person for him because they both like anime, they both play games, etc. they basically have the same kinda interests. and w/e elwyne gets into, she'll get into. so i didnt wanna ruin tht for elwyne but having a gf isnt the most important thing to him. he just doesnt seem bothered on trying. he'll just lock himself away with it by playing games! But me....*sigh* idk....i couldnt help myself. the more time i spent with her the more i ended up liking her. we got off to a rocky start coz i kept teasing her to a point where she resulted into hitting me.........really hard!!!! so i stopped and we're ok now...i guess lol and wht i hate about liking this girl is tht there would be a time where she would do something or say something and i would end up not bothering with her and try not to like her but she would always win me bck somehow and thts wht pisses me off!! Theres so much i can say about her but i rather talk about something else. It's just tht, idk wht to expect this year. Im kinda hoping something could happen between me and her but being the person i am i highly doubt it! I think she likes some guy sooo...pfft yeah i guess thts it lol im just....indecisive about her right now. idk whether shes bi or not (apparently shes "not sure" so god knows which road shes heading!), idk whether she likes elwyne or not, idk if shes just saying she likes a guy to hide the fact she might like a girl but thts just my weird imagination drifting off! Theres so many thoughts running through my head and it always gets to me. But for now, i shall move away from the subject. All i can say is 'the future awaits....'

Im starting to get tired now, i wanna sleep but im too bored! lol it doesnt make sense but thts just me i guess. I ended up talking to my mum today. Which was fucking scary as shit! Well i actually just asked her for the password for the laptop since my bro changed it and when i asked her she didnt say anything for 10 seconds! Seriously! it actually looked like she was ignoring me but thankfully enough she was just trying to remember the password and she did! so i finally got to use the laptop! and i talked to jodie:D! (I just hope my bro doesn’t find out about me using it and change the password again and tht was fucking hell trying to find it out!) And going through tht whole 2 days without the internet, with no other way tht i can go on the internet...it just made me realise tht the internet is like an addiction. Everyone has an addiction and mine is the internet. Its like everyday i need to use it! Its like a drug basically. and i find it really annoying how mostly everyone has a full functional internet but i dont. its like every year i have to be cut off for at least a month or more! Its my stupid internet provider! Fucking cunts making us pay for this shitty broadband box then us paying for it and all of a sudden we get cut off! And i dont even know why? And whts more annoying is tht we cant even switch internet providers!! Coz they dont wanna lose any customers! Fucking idiots! if they dnt wanna lose customers then why provide shitty service and cut the internet off all the fucking time!!! It pisses me off!! It's been a month now tht theres been no internet and espicially during the holidays when i got fuck all to do they decide to cut it off! I swear to god if they keep doing this ill feel like killing every single person tht works for Orange!! ill go to every fucking orange market in the world and shoot every motherfucker in there! jesus christ even their fucking mobile phone service is shit! (But not as shit as Virgin sim cards i guess) but still shit! *sigh* the world today....

Well thts my rant gone long enough and im starting to get tooooooooooo sleepy so im gonna watch this movie, Point Blank now so lates:)

Month without no internet (blog 2)

Blog 2 Date: Sunday 30th December 2007 Time: 4:06pm

So here i am again....bored but feeling even more miserable. Still no internet and whts even worse i cant use my bros laptop. and thts because he caught me using it 2 days ago and decided to change the password once again and this time....i cant figure it out. i tried everything and still nothing. So i dnt know what to do now. I was actually thinkin of walking to the internet cafe down farnharm road but i dnt have enough money...well i do but tht money is for college and ramsey's b-day present. Whats bringing me down even more is tht my dad keeps making me feel bad about not talking to my mum coz i havent talked to her for like 2 months now over my weight. now my dad wont stop going on about it and its making me feel even more worse. i think he likes reminding me how bad my weight is. idk why but i think my parents are twisted like tht. i know how bad my weight is. i dnt have to be reminded everyday about it coz the more they do the more i wont listen to them and the more it'll just make things worse. I seriously would like to go out but i rather be with someone to do it, not on my own. I used to do exercise before but i stopped for some reason. I guess i couldnt be bothered anymore. Thing is, for me to lose weight, i'd rather be doing something where it feels like im not being forced into it. I wanna be doing something im enjoying not something tht i HAVE to do. but my parents dont understand....they never do.
8 more days til i go college. Well....thts if i can go. I still feel uncomfortable askin my mum for money. I dont think she knows the day im going back so i guess i have to force myself to ask her. I just wish things would be the way they were again but tbh idk whether id be happy with it. because even when we were ok with each other i always thought that she never really cared for me and never really showed much affection. it always felt like she was given it to chris and alan more than to me. i know i done alot of wrong in my life but who doesnt? the only reason why i lead myself to do certain things is coz no one really shows me love or comfort. thts why im the way i am now. i feel so spiteful towards others and i nearly hate everything and bitch about it all the time.
but bck to the mother issue. i always felt like w/e i do for my mum. she never reallly cared. if i get a good grade in something, she wouldnt care. when i changed the music course i was gonna do at college just to make her happy, she didnt care wht i acheived in the course i was being forced to do. Idk wht i can do, nothing i do will never make my mum happy. i dnt know why i even bother.
last nite i felt like moving out. i seriously did. i wanted to call any of my friends to see if i can move in with them. but....i didnt know wht to decide. so now im stuck here. i dnt know where to go, wht to do. i dnt know how much life is gonna go wrong for me.

Month without no internet (blog 1)

So here i am, alone in my room....bored off my head and resulting into doing this.
I haven't done these in such a long time because I just....didn't have the time! lol
Well, the main reason why im doing this blog is because my internet is gone and i wont be having it for a couple of days at the least or worse....longer which will prolly happen considering its nearly been 2 weeks now that i havent had internet. But i've been very fortunate enough to be using my bros laptop! It was quite difficult at first because my bro had an account for my mum on there and he didnt put a password on it thus making it easy to access but then he caught me quite a few times using it and he made a password for it so then i used my bros account and even though there was a password for tht i found out when i heard chris shout it out to caz (his fiance) when she asked for it. But then once alan found out i was using it he must've told chris making him change the password. i could still guess his password coz chris left a hint on there which is 'atreyu' and it must be a name of a song or summit..idk...but alas! I managed to find out the password my bro put for my mums account and it turned out it was the exact old password that i knew for my bros account! So thts how ive been using the internet for now, if i didnt know the password i woulda been doing these aaaaaaaages ago!! Now you maybe wondering how can i still use the internet on my bros laptop? thts coz its wireless internet and it can connect to another internet service provider somewhere else. it can be annoying sometimes though coz it can get slow at times but its something i guess. if i didnt have tht then id be wasting my money at the internet cafe! What also sucks is that i can only use the laptop when chris and alan are away coz they dnt know im using it which is why im resulting into doing this! it really sucks coz everytime they come bck from going out i totally spaz out and try to make it look like i wasnt using the laptop! *sigh*....i just wish i had my internet again:(((
Anyways, i dnt really like typing anymore, ill see if i can type again soon. Im planning on putting these on my blogger account once i get my internet bck tht is. Anywayz, ill blog later. peace.