another blog to do whilst being very very bored...

Tuesday 22nd July 2008 Time: 10.40pm

I rarely do these anymore. Mainly coz i never seem bothered to do it. But I'm doing it today coz im sooooooooo fucking bored. Like there is no one to chat to, no sites I can go on since I've been on them 5 times in a row! I've been so bored tht i've slept twice hoping tht it could pass the time but it didnt. I'm not even in the mood to play my guitar. just anything in general. not even tv can satisfy my mood. Not only has boredom infected my skull but its stress aswell. And the more stressed I am the more I smoke. Which I don't like coz I don't wanna be a chain smoker. But i cant help it. I'm having relationship issues. Well idk if i should call it tht but its more like trying to avoid my gf as much as possible. To be honest, i dont even want to consider her as my gf anymore. I've put with her for 2 months now and its been hell. It wasn't really a good idea hooking up with her during my exams either since i couldn't concentrate properly.
I had alot of problems with tht girl honestly. The fact tht i had to spend alot of money just to see tht chick and spend time with her which was a complete waste! Honestly...going on a date with her was no different than hanging out with a friend. The fact tht she wasn't completely open about her sexuality made it difficult to be with her in public. I couldnt hold her hand in public, i couldnt kiss her in public. even in the damn cinema she didnt wanna kiss! It was stupid! I sometimes questioned myself, are we even a couple? at times, i had to understand coz i wasnt completely open either but im an affectionate person and i like to show someone how much i care about them from time to time. But resisting tht urge makes it hard to show ur feelings and then leads you to stay tht way which is the state im in now.
Another problem was that she was majorly immature. shes 2 years younger than me and acts like a fucking 6 year old. Honest to god, she'd go dramatic over the smallest things. even my friends agree. I know 10 year olds tht are more mature than her and i tried to be patient with her, actually hoping she'd grow up a bit but i had enough of it and decided not to waste my time.
Also, she was majorly horny. Idk when this girl doesnt think about sex. But tbh who doesnt? Its like a number 1 priority for ppl which is sad tbh. Of course I don't mind sex but every bloody second of the day is just sad. Also my past relationships ive had with ppl were also like tht so it really pissed me off tht this girl wasnt any different. Everytime i'd speak to her on the fone she'd mention the word 'pussy' all the fucking time and there'd be times when id just laugh it off and then there'd be times where id just be silent and ignore it. Which reminds me, our fone conversations were annoying aswell. She'd sing the first line of the chorus to tht amerie song and it'd drive me up the fucking wall! She'd be like 'but this is ur song' and id just be wanting to knife her throat.
I guess the last thing i should mention is tht she has over 1000 contacts on msn who are mostly dudes. And when i was round her house they even tried flirting with her so tht kinda made me curious. Idk how the fuck she managed to get 2 boyfriends with a 1000 contacts on msn. And then she goes pissy to me when i talk to a girl about us. lol it makes me laugh (hence the 'lol').
I can go on all day on wht pisses me off about this girl but I don't wanna break my fingers from typing tht much. Basically i had enough and i aint gonna fucking speak to her again. she was a waste of my time and i regret even being with her. I'm ignoring all her fone calls and everything. Tht bitch doesnt ever deserve a word from me.
So thts one thing thts been stressing me out alot. Another is being stuck in this bloody house everyday for the whole fucking summer! Its not even fucking august yet and its driving me insane! I wanna go out more often but its like a big massive issue for my mum coz she likes keeping me here for some stupid reason and wht does she need me for??? I aint exactly doing anything. This is the reason why i need a job. to get out the house as much as i possibly can. But no success there. I've already applied to 3 jobs since i finished college (i know it aint much but its hard finding a job tht fits ur criteria) and nothing. Still waiting on replies which i prolly might not even get.
Ha on a side note my (now) ex just called. Its good having ur fone on silent. since i cant block a specific persons calls thts my only option. She'll give up eventually. I know she will. I'm not exactly hard to get over lol
Oo also I've been wathcing alot of lesbian stuff. (Mainly movies not porn) Its a good thing lol But bad in a way coz it makes me want a girlfriend even more haha. But also good coz it makes me get over sammi more X)
Anyways now tht im getting over this chick. I'm on a search to find a new one. Well...id doubt id ever find one thts better than sammi but w/e. I think its my number 1 priority atm. That and getting a job lol
Right...i think i babbled on for enough. I need a smoke aswell. It was nice letting things out. I might do this more often considering ill most likely be bored in the very near future.

Lates.